How I work with Energy
How I work with Energy – follow up.
Hello folks, this is a bit of a follow up piece following on from my talk from the Annual Young People's Gathering which is viewable on http://vimeo.com/31083133 starting just after 16 minutes.
So to summarise what I say: I invite myself and all of you to go much deeper into our motivations, to ask the question 'what do I really care about?' and then see how that value is expressed in our daily actions.
To communicate why I think this is important I give a potted resume of my life within Triratna, particularly focusing on the gap between my engagement with the institutions and practices and the fact that despite all that I did not feel fully engaged and consequently did not make the most of those opportunities, whether that be boredom in Mitra study or meditating every day for years without adequately clarifying my motivation to practise. All that drained energy and resulted in my being drawn in by my distractions.
To illustrate that last point I draw a simile between eating McDonalds: rich, sugary, salty, intense flavours that are no good for us; and that of eating quinoa, with steamed veg and tahini sauce: much better for us, ultimately more satisfying, but much less intense. To make the switch we need to be really clear why it is we're eating the good food – then we appreciate it and get into the tastes. The same is true, I think, in the spiritual life; it's hard enough to live lives based on higher values, but if we're not sufficiently clear about those values and how they directly translate into our everyday actions then they just get drowned out by craving.
However, on reflection, I realise my story communicates more than this call to clarify what we care about. Remember clarity could be expressed in images or moods, as well as ideas. So what else am I saying? First of all, this is scary; it's really hard to be clear because of the implications in our lives. Imagine living a life entirely (or at least much more significantly) directed towards what we think is most important; the potential is endless, but also the challenge. It's easier to be mediocre, live a conventional life, fit in, not to dream – don't accept that!
But, and this is the real point, how do we find the courage to ask ourselves this question? Well first of all it takes time; there's no way I had the confidence or self metta to really ask or act from this space 11 years ago. So, go easy on yourself – allow for the journey, just try to be conscious and direct yourself towards deeper engagement. It's in doing something that we work out why and how it's important.
Then secondly: how to develop that confidence and self-metta? Of course the answer, at least in my life, is obvious: stacks and stacks of going to pujas, studying the dharma, meditating every day (despite not really knowing why I was doing that), working and living with others, and, most importantly, developing friendships. Without all that I might be able to intellectually say what I care most about; in fact I think I could, even back in July 2000, but I had no capacity to activate or realise my aspirations. Actually that is not accurate, I started basing my life around those values, through engaging with the Triratna Buddhist Community, and this set up a positive feedback loop that helps me to be able to express and act upon my aspirations. So, in short, that's the first step towards 'work out what you care about'. Find ways of gaining the confidence to really look life in the eye and say 'this is what I value, and I'm not giving up without a fight.'
So this is a quest to discover what we value most in life and then the journey to see how that value is expressed in our daily actions – actions which may remain the same, but are transformed through the change in attitude. For example, I'm still doing the same Metta Bhavana – well, actually doing now rather than just intending to - but now I know why I'm doing it. I do think we need to find something big to move towards; a specific action is too narrow, too limited, always a strategy to realise some deeper need.
I'm still not really, really clear myself. But standing there on the Young People's Retreat I realised that I do want to change this world – and I want to do it through my interactions with those around me. I want to love everyone more than I love my closest friend. I want that love to transform my sense of self, how I perceive others, how I act, how you act, how you perceive others, and how you perceive yourselves. It sounds so simple on screen, but I find myself both elated and terrified when I acknowledge that this is what I want to base my life around and that I have the confidence, now, to more fully acknowledge that to myself and the world. Now I have to do it...